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Riding the sky
Lifting Your glory
Let all the Earth watch us live in love
Raising Your name
And fly along with You
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decides
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the Nos on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
It makes me happy and I don't care if I fall too easily, there isn't anything to lose now right? I'm really helpless and stupid when it comes to these things, and there's nothing I can do.
ANYWAY, a week of prelims have came and gone. I can't wait for it all to end seriously, its preventing good things from happening. Hahahahaha.
Anyway anyway, today something funny happened on the bus today! I was with Jiayi on the way home, there was this man who boarded the bus, threw his bag onto the floor before he even entered, and he sat at the first seat, beside a schoolgirl, shouted and chased her out of the seat without even moving his legs for her to get out and the poor girl had to squeeze out somehow. Then Jiayi and I were talking and he just turned around and asked me to shut up and something something kao bei kao bu. hahahaha whatever that means? Anyway it was quite amusing haha, I've been seeing too many crazy people around of late. There's this old man who comes in to Macs and takes the bottle of table sanitizer and starts watering the plants. Hahaha I try not to laugh all the time, cause I think it can be quite pitiful, like its not really that they want to be like that? Hmm.
Have a great weekend. I can't wait for Monday. (:
- Mood:
quixotic - Music:I will follow you into the dark- Death cab for cutie
Economics wasn't too bad, neither was it because I was prepared nor it was easy. But because I was breathing the same air as..................HAHAHAHAHA okay shut up Melissa, what's wrong with you Tsk.
So much for missing school, I wish it was the June holidays, when I spent like 99% of the month at Macs studying/trying to study. I think I've really fallen in love with Macs, yes I ate Macs every day too, all the fats hanging on me and the smell of oily fries (yummy) clinging onto my clothes and hair after I leave. But Macs is really gooood, I'm not really that sick of it, Haha. It became so routined, even seeing the same people every single day studying too. And I guess I found it conducive with my ipod plugged in, with the world shut out and being buried in my notes. (Whether or not I really absorbed anything, is....another story.) Anyway they played 'Nine in the afternoon' ALOT on the radio at Macs, I think I've grown to like that song too la. Haha did I mention I met Grace there one day at the very moment a maths question was killing me softly and slowly and after her RJ friend solved it for me ( WOAH 2-line answer you know) she left me a message on my foolscap. "Mathematics is Your Friend. - Gary Lee" hahahhahhahahahahahahahaha good old Gracie wacie. :D
- Music:Feels like tonight- Chris daughtry
You know how I'm wishing I had one more week to prepare for the prelims, just one more week pleaseeeeeeee,it's all I need. It's so stupid, I had four weeks and only on the last, I wished I had one more. ):
Yesterday I had an awesome night out with Jean, Annabelle, Sam, Siew and Aisyah. <3
We didn't get to watch Sex and the city cause lido was sold out on the 9pm show, damn I really hate friday nights in town. It's the only place people go?
Which brings me to my point of wanting to spend the next few years overseas studying, I just got to get out of this place, seriously. Not escaping from anything (I hope), but just, wanting some sort of major change in my life ya.
Okay, I'll worry about that some time later, prelims now.
Anyway Peekchas! :D
AND YES, my favourite girl Kathryn kee comes back today!
Anyway I saw a pretty girl in the bus, on the way to Town. I mean, yah I see pretty girls everywhere, but she was well, unusually pretty. Haha, probably mixed blood or something, she has the longest, thickest and blackest eyelashes I've ever seen and super good complexion, plus she looks cute/pretty/hot. I think I was unconsciously staring at her, and anyway she wears braces that adds bonus to being a cute sweetiez piezzz. I mean, even I was checking her out, can you imagine guys doing it with more drool and stop-and-really-stare kind of thing.And though I really don't get the whole superficiality rubbish, but let's face it, it's reality.
How very depressing.
Sometimes, Time really plays us like fools. When it's just not the time, it's just not. So when will we ever know when is right and wrong, when some time later, you realised that it just wasn't what you wanted, and it was just some phrase you were going through which turned out to be so wrong and I have to, unfortunately, admit now. Sometimes I really think maybe it was a great thing for Time to prove everything and what it really is/ has become. And for that matter, I'm like a house, vulnerable to all kinds of external factors that I try to let into my doors when I shouldn't have, but I never fall because I've been supported by so many pillars, every single one, a different characteristic of mine, a different friend etc. Old paint that coated me, and made me look like I was consumed by something so unhappy, it just flakes away with Time and welcomes new paint, like a new lease of life, as many new layers as I like as long as I choose to.
"Time is stuff that life is made of."
Remember how short my time is. Psalm 89:47
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Swing swing- The all american rejects
And I will take you to the places
where you never thought you'd have the chance to love
Love, Love is all we have
I will run myself in circles here without you
Please believe that I tried my best to forget you
But the memories keep flooding back like tears
I didn't mean to fall in love
But sitting here waiting for this is torture
I'm so glad you're far away
Is that a terrible thing to say?
Well, I wonder if you're okay.
This is a really good song, really soothing for the soul. (:
Days away to Prelims, I'm on full PANIC mode.
I used to have superability to memorize and vomit out chunks and chunks of textbooks. Used to. My brain just isn't functioning well ever since JC life began. Must be my jaw-dropping shocking OLevel results that just resulted in brain deterioration. Must be.
So, now, die la.
I can't wait when this whole prelims is over, because I can't fit anything else in my mind capacity and if I try, it just disrupts everything that's heading the right way. SO, PATIENCE PATIENCE. ((:
That aside, Kat's coming back on Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A pity she's back during my exam period, judging by the state of my exam preparations, I might not find time to even meet up with my favourite-st girl. ): I miss Kat so much, thank God for her she's really a blessing in my life, like this morning her text message woke me up, if not I would have slept on and missed Econs! <3 If we're both not married by the age of uh...30, I'll MARRY HER. <3
- Music:Honestly- Bethany Joy Lenz
Laughing with your pretty mouth
Laughing with your broken eyes
Laughing with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby
I've been so happy the entire day because of something that happened in the morning. Haha omg its the tingly feeling all over and the hot rush of blood to my face really drives me crazy. In a good way. (: Crazy is good cause it's definitely better than being upset and it's as good as alcohol. Well, almost.
And because I was in the midst of Econs consultation (okay so I admit I wasn't paying attention because my eyes obviously shifted focus from paper to...) and I didn't get to say Hi. ):
This is so silly, and as you can tell I'm enjoying it. :B
Bye Hotass World.
- Music:when the stars go blue- Tyler Hilton & Bethany Joy Lenz
I can't believe there's one week of the June holidays left, this has evidently been one of the most boring holidays of my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Ceteris paribus. Assuming I can't remember what Boring.com things I did during primary school days. Haha! Not very productive either. I've been secretly giving up, judging by what I've been doing for the past two days? By looks of it, I'M PROUD TO DECLARE, I AM GOING TO FAIL PRELIMS.
:(
Tsk and since I kind of foreseen vision I was going to slack the whole time away right from the beginning, I should have just not even tried right. I didn't even get to do anything really fun and crazy at all, so much for "all that can wait til after Alevels" I really can't wait!!
I can't wait to get back to school though. I miss waking up early (I sleep til 11 or 12+ pm now), I miss school food, no really, and I miss my class partner Naseha babyyy, and all the wonderful ij peepurrr, Jingyi, Mel Tan, everyone la, even all the hi-bye friends. Okay okay, and all the Eyecandies too. :B hehehe.
I'm so high ohmygosh I wonder why haha. Bye.
- Mood:
bouncy - Music:missing you- Tyler hilton
You know how reading your own horoscope and it gets freakily accurate somehow, something like, "An unexpected new someone will step into your life" kind of thing and it really happens! But then again, it could just be a coincidence that was just going to happen anyway. Well ...
I don't know, unexpected things are really intriguing and nice. They put extra skips to my heartbeat and I think I really like uncertainties more to, predictable things and stuff that people do. Like "Okay I knew that was coming." can be so...not fun. But of course, unexpected things that become the best thing that ever happened to you, can be the very thing that hurts you, and you wish you saw it coming a long time ago? Haha I'm just rambling on in circles forget it.
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:When it comes- Tyler hilton
It sure doesn't pay to be nice, even to someone who's at fault, who stole my photos. Okay so she limited her friendster profile and messaging, didn't even care to reply my very kind message, and STILL using my photo. Die, Lilian Lim, Die. I'm seriously annoyed. I can almost see her sitting eagerly waiting infront on her computer screen goggle-eyed, awaiting my next upload of fresh new photos. And since I've made my profile private, I can almost hear her screeching with anger and agony all the way from Chai Chee (!!!!!!???) since that's what she says she lives in. Hahahahahaha okay not funny. Seriously AH-NOYYYYYINGGGG to the maximum. And Friendster isn't doing anything about my 1000 abuse reports either. Boooo Friendster, Yay Facebook.
- Music:stupid for you- Marie digby
Sometimes I wonder, if it wasn't meant to be, then why was it so painful. Andeven now, it still is.
I really hate what's happening now. Life definitely moves on forward, time will still tick on, hours and minutes will continue to pass, I get older each day, I still wake up every morning to a fresh new day and do what needs to be done. But I left so much behind, so much. I've grown to dislike this and that about myself. Grown to hate being in groups of people. Grown to become so cynical. Even no matter how much I try to go back to what I was before, nothing works anymore, and I really do miss myself and the happiness I found so easily. It took such a huge tide to wash everything away and all that's left now are the wrecked bits. I'm really trying, just in case people think I'm not and I actually like being a total moron for not moving on with my stupid life, well I don't.
Maybe now, I don't miss you so much anymore, I just miss all the good and happy things that came along with you.
And why did they all have to go away altogether. At this rate, I'm convinced I'm never ever going to wake up from this hellish nightmare.
Well, something to put a laugh back in my life and maybe yours too!
PHOTO-STEALER ON FRIENDSTER! >:(
http://profiles.friendster.com/71212915
Okay so this woman, Lilian Lim, grabbed photos off my friendster and used them very boldly as HERS.
What is wrong with people these days. SERIOUSLY. Not one or two photos, but way more than that, practically from my photos of Kat and I, hockey pictures, Marcus and I (which she captioned "Desmond and I" HAHAHA DESMOND.) and new year eve's @mos photos, and seriously she captions them like "after Jade's birthday" who the heck is Jade I don't know anyone called Jade, and so many pictures of Kathryn and I, which she affectionately captions "Bestie and I" or "I think I love her" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And with all the nice-ness I can muster, I very calmly sent her a message asking her to take them off, even ending with 'thanks' and she simply made her profile private, still using my pictures!!!!!!!
Wah unbelievable.
I happened to be on msn with Jean anyway, and I thought she was definitely one person I would let in on this great joke.
Jean: melly im haunted by lilian lim HAHAHA
Then she just had to let Siew in on this great joke. and Sitt. and a few others or so I've heard. And Jean calls it the "sense of justice" that lead to everyone spreading word.
Haha I have such funny friends.
But seriously, what audacity, and what kind of warped twisted mind does this Lilian Lim have. I feel sorry her profile is private now, all of us are extremely interested in making friends with this psycho, but she just wouldn't give us a chance to yah.
A sick sick world, this is. I'm really annoyed. ):
Hockey Farewell for the j2s yesterday was really great :}
We were blindfolded to the classroom, Haha and I think I screamed alot very unnecessarily, then we had to hunt for our own cds around the school compound. Everyone had to find a set of clues before the final hiding place, mine was supposed to be in the sand pit, haha but it's so typical of me to be really bad at solving clues, my first clue involved maths, a locker and it's code........I took forever. Seriously, forever. I didn't get to the sand pit in time anyway, but it was really fun, must have took the j1s alot of effort to think of the clues and hiding places, I don't even remember us making last year's farewell this innovative, Oh no. Anyway I was so tired after the hunt and forfeit I thought the whole programme had ended then they pushed this big chocolate cake in on a trolley, which had the new and improved Hypernova logo printed on it. :D
I didn't stay over for the camp though, apparently I was too lazy to pack my one-night luggage the night before and I couldn't find my squashy sleeping bag yahhh and I refuse to sleep on classroom tables, seeing how clean and hygienic we keep them on normal school days, HA HA.
Anyway I just have to add, that the cheater uncle of mine turned up at my great grandfather's wake, which took place last week. So thoughtful of him you think, well not really, he didn't even speak to my aunt and I overheard him talking to his daughter in some corner in a hushed tone, asking her if she loves him. I wonder if my seven year old cousin even knows what her father did. Showing your love by cheating on your wife, not exactly the smartest thing thing to do. Taking off with another woman who's richer, after living off your wife for the past few years, really not the most moral thing to do. Can't help it if he caught me looking with an expression of contempt, it's really only the nicest I can muster. No woman/ girl deserves a loser, so just move along.
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:Look what you've done- Jet
I realise whether it's a happy occasion or a sorrowful one in this enormous family, good food will never be left out no matter what. After a good breakfast at my great grandfather's house this morning, we tailed the white van to the Mandai crematorium and the last memorial service was just ohmygosh so sad. We sang Amazing Grace for the last time in three days and I really think it's the best song to sum up everything about a life. The hall was so cold and I was tearing so badly, I felt so terrible and family members were going up one by one to share what they had to say about Tai ye and especially the part of how he chose his funeral picture beforehand and it was one of him waving and he actually said he was saying "ta-ta" to us. and then we queued up to take one last look and place flowers on him. I seriously concentrated hard, in taking that final look at him, and his fingers, which were clasped together and rested on his stomach, were white and stiff. They were so shockingly white. I don't know, the image of his white fingertips remained in my mind all day. Maybe I just never saw fingers so white before. I had this strange urge to touch them though. ): Later my mum told me, that they realised there was pen ink on some of his fingers, because he had been writing to communicate before he passed away. ))))):
I guess I've never been close to Tai ye before, but I know he has this notebook where he has every single of our names and everytime a newborn comes along, he adds another name. And I used to fear talking to him because he spoke in Cantonese and I could barely understand a single word but just nod and nod and nod. I can vividly recall him calling me "Pui Wun" and there will never be a next time anymore. I never thought so much into it, but today I realised how amazing it is for a 98 year old man to have written each of his many great grandchildren's names on every ang bao at chinese new year this year. Funny how I like to keep certain ang baos with unique designs or textures, but I never once kept an ang bao for Tai ye's handwriting, in all 18 years of my life.
When we meet again someday, I'll ask him to write my name for me, again.
- Music:Love me- Colin raye
My great grandfather passed away on sunday night. I heard it was a really peaceful departure, he wrote down on paper that he was "going at night" in chinese. He asked for a shave, and his best suit, chose a matching tie and said,"Don't forget my dentures!" You'll be missed, Tai ye.
I just got home from the wake anyway. It was a pretty light-hearted affair. The pastor was right, we should not mourn his death but celebrate his life. Well, there were Dunkin' Donuts amongst the food and our great grandchildrens' table was probably the noisiest, you wouldn't think you were at a wake if you were there, Haha.
Well, if Heaven is the place where the pavements are lined with gold and best of all, the place of reunion with God, then it wouldn't be so bad right? Beats being down here if you're plagued by disease and pain. My aunt said during the memorial today, that Tai Ye stopped taking the morphine medication for cancer patients, because God was his morphine. (:
Anyway I dropped by Great world city today to wait for my parents to pick me up to go to the wake together, and I walked around, and it took me awhile to realise the last time I was there, it was to get a special present for a special someone. And I didn't really stop myself from going to the same shops again, Oh wells I must have been really bored waiting. I bought three tops from Zara hehe really made my day, and Omg I saw my dream prom dress that was totally screaming "Your Dream Prom Dress" at me!!! (Okay I saw another one last week) I must get it, or live to regret it!
But, but, but I might see something else better after I buy it?? :\
- Music:say it again- Marie Digby
Friday we surprised Sam for her belated birthday at Holland Village. It was good to see Aisyah again, after eons haha she invested in a cute little red backpack that looks cute on Sam too. I think it's a father-daughter thing. :D Anyway I hope you were surprised, Sammie! <3
Anyway everyone left in the evening, and Annabelle and I went to study for a little while and headed to town to go shopping. I'm such an old woman now, a little walking makes me exhausted and makes my feet hurt. This is what an excess of school does to you.
Yesterday was Mel Tan's birthday party. (: I think Cineleisure's preview lounge is a pretty nice place for a private party.
Pictures up below!
You know I really don't like it when people give that kind of reaction when they hear I'm from a particular church and they go on very bluntly, to "I don't like that church/ Or people from there" when they've never even been there at all or been there < 2 times. It's as good as saying,"I don't like some of the Heavenly Father's children." and are you refering to me as well? It doesn't mean when you don't have a religion or have a different one from mine, and you can criticise it with that tone of contempt. Since I don't do the same to anyone else's religion I don't see why I deserve comments or remarks about mine like that. Just because Man is bad, it does not mean that God is not good. It's really okay, since it's up to your own opinion anyway, and I'm definitely not a perfect Christian (I promise you) for that matter but you know it takes a little bit of tact, respect and some amount of social skills to not express the opinions that do not deserve hearing. And yes, maybe some self-reflection on your own attitude, that might just be in need of a touch by a divine being, and the world would appreciate your existence better. This isn't really targeted at anyone, just thought I let it out. (:
- Music:Time of my life- David Cook
Note to self for the June holidays: Stop being late for holiday classes. ):
Well, yesterday I made it to school alright, but I missed the Lit lecture anyway, Haha. I missed the bus when I was just a few metres away from the busstop and I had to wait a good >25mins for the next bus and I was like saying in my head, God why couldn't I have just caught the bus before. And after I got on the next bus, it passed the industrial parks and I saw the bus that I missed, in an accident. Hmmm. So I guess that was God answering me and showing me I should be thankful for little things like that. (: There was a traffic jam and change of bus route, which took super long but I guess it beats being one of the passengers on that bus or motorcycle involved!
I found some old photos today:
- Music:the best you never had- Leona Lewis
I have a splendid picture of everything now and it handed me the truth, like it always had. I took the truth, folded it like a blank page and stashed it away, foolishly hoping like crazy somehow, someday it'll be different.
What will it take. What must I do. To convince myself it's impossible.
I'm unfolding the blank page. and I'm burning it.
It's gonna hurt when it heals too.
For too many nights in a row,
And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams,
With reds and blues and greens.
Yeah you're painting daffodils by the sea,
Without me
You know, it doesn't hurt so much, when the thing that I dread most, is finally coming true. At least I know you'll be happy. Or maybe I've just gone numb a long time ago, Life is more merciful this way isn't it? (:
On a lighter note, I've been studying at Subway for the past three weekends with Jy and today we had breakfast at Subway too. I'm so in love with Subway cookies, I'd kill for more!!!!!!! I was almost near to 'productive studying' until Jy left for some concert and Marcus came to join me and I didn't write another word for the next 4 hours, Haha Tsk. Bad influence.
My dad picked me up and drove me home, after he finished his movie and realised he forgot his house keys. I was a little sad when I found out my dad went to catch a movie alone, again. My mum never understood the movies my dad liked, so I guess over time she just wasn't the best movie buddy for him and he never had anyone else. Sadly, when I want to catch a new movie, I only think of my friends and sometimes I complain why no one wants to watch this and that, maybe I should take my dad out on movie dates soon! Because when he said "its okay, I used to do things alone since young." I swear I was almost choking on tears. When we were young, my dad used to take me and my brother to the movies, and now we don't even think of him when we want to watch a movie. ): I'm such a horrible daughter my Gosh. But I'm going to make up for it. :}
toodles.
Yeah you're painting daffodils by the sea,
Without me
- Music:Pollen and salt- Daphne loves derby
And when you take, you take the very best of me
Well, I haven't been blogging since last sunday, maybe I just didn't want to have to see that last private entry. It was so unnecessary, I know, but I keep doing all this unnecessary and downright stupid things that I can't identify them anymore. Didn't really want to sign into msn much, this week too, afraid I would receive some kind of reply/answer chilling to the bone, after I (very cowardly) fled out of msn immediately after leaving the message.
And all along, I'm sorry I have to keep doing stupid things to cause him distress of some sort, well in my point of view at least, I really am sorry I can't do better than that, or be good enough at all in the first place. Nothing as stupid as me, should have even crossed his life and I'm sorry for that.
If time could freeze, I would choose for it to happen when my eyes fell, onto the large screen in the school hall during College Day this evening. Probably one of the best pictures I've ever seen though a tiny part of me wished I didn't see but undeniably, it's enough to make my world go round, for the rest of the day at least. (:
I lost the yearbook we got today, and I was so anxious I wanted to cry when I couldn't find it, but now, I guess it was meant to be lost. I secretly think, even if I found it, that page would be missing somehow.
I still look forward to a great June holidays, and much Subway indulgence to keep me fat and happy, Hockey camp- I miss Hockey quite terribly! (please bring your horror movies! :D ) and MY BABY KATTUMS IS COMING BACKKKK. <33
P.S. I think I've been losing tolerance and patience a little too quickly with some people these days, and yes I've realised, that since I told myself to live with it, it still applies and I Will! "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14
(:
- Mood:
pensive - Music:cold as you- Taylor swift
